Recognize, Resist, Report: How Can I Teach Kids About Safety?

Can you teach your children about preventing child abuse in an age-appropriate way?

For decades, the primary strategy for protecting children in churches and schools focused entirely on the adults. Organizations focused on background checks, policies, and training for the volunteers. While these are essential, they miss a critical line of defense: the children themselves.

In the past, society often failed to believe victims until it was too late. Today, effective abuse prevention requires giving children the agency to speak up. We must empower them to be active participants in their own safety. The most effective framework for doing this is teaching the “Three R’s”: Recognize, Resist, and Report.

1. Recognize

The first step is education. Children need to understand what inappropriate behavior looks like. This goes beyond “stranger danger”, which is often ineffective because most abusers are someone the child knows and trusts.

“Recognize” means teaching children about boundaries. It involves age-appropriate conversations about safe and unsafe touches. It also includes recognizing psychological manipulation, such as bullying or “grooming.”

Grooming is a subtle process where an adult builds a special, secretive friendship with a child to gain their trust. Teaching a child to recognize this means helping them identify when an adult is asking them to keep secrets from their parents or is treating them differently than the other children. When a child can identify that a situation feels “off” or breaks the rules of interaction, they have taken the first step toward safety.

2. Resist

Children are naturally taught to obey adults. In a church or school setting, they are conditioned to listen to the Sunday School teacher or the coach. This compliance is generally good, but it can be dangerous if a predator exploits it.

“Resist” teaches children that they have the right to say “no” to an adult if that adult is crossing a boundary. It gives them permission to walk away, to run, or to refuse a request that makes them uncomfortable. This creates a safety valve in the authority structure. It ensures that a child knows their body belongs to them, not to the ministry leader.

3. Report

This is the most critical component of the framework. A child may recognize abuse and even resist it, but if they do not tell anyone, the predator remains free to try again.

“Report” instills the rule that a child must tell a trusted adult- usually a parent- whenever something happens that makes them feel weird, scared, or confused. The training emphasizes that they will not get in trouble for telling. Predators often use fear or shame to silence their victims, telling them that “no one will believe you” or “this is our special secret.”

The “Report” training counteracts this by assuring the child that their voice matters. It creates a culture where secrets are not allowed and where telling the truth is always the right choice.

The “Stay Safe” Poster as a Deterrent

Implementing the Three R’s effectively requires visual reinforcement. Many organizations use “Stay Safe” posters placed in children’s bathrooms, classrooms, and hallways. These posters explicitly list the Three R’s with simple graphics.

These posters serve a dual purpose. First, they remind the children of their training. Second, and perhaps more importantly, they act as a powerful deterrent to predators.

When a predator walks into a facility to scout for victims, they are looking for vulnerability. They want children who are compliant and unaware. When they see a poster on the wall that shows that the organization has taught kids what to look out for, they realize that your organization is a “hard target.” They see that your leadership has educated any potential victims. This signals that the organization shines a bright light on abuse prevention, often causing the predator.

Shining a Light

Teaching the Three R’s moves the topic of safety out of the shadows and into the light. By having age-appropriate conversations early and often, we can remove the stigma and shame that predators rely on. We can equip our children not just to be protected, but to be protectors of themselves and their peers as well.

Watch a video from Security Leader Bob Wild on how to keep kids safe here.

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